The Secrets to Self-Confidence

by | Dec 3, 2007 | Mindset

If you want to be successful, you need to have self-confidence. It’s that simple. But what if you don’t know how to build your self-confidence? What if you’re not sure where to start? Don’t worry – self-confidence is a skill that can be learned! Believe it or not, there are some secrets to self-confidence that anyone can use. In this post, I’m going to share those secrets with you. So, if you’re looking to boost your confidence levels, keep reading!

First, understand that the person who thrives in their self-confidence is courageous. This person is “able to face and deal with danger or fear without flinching.” This person is bold, undaunted, and valiant. Are you this person? Can you be?

When it comes to having a successful business, you need to be — at least in the eyes of your clients, customers, and business partners.

Let me tell you a little story about myself. I’m an introvert and am quite shy. People who know me, however, don’t believe me when I say that — until they see me at a gathering of people I don’t know.

I seem to have the knack for doing what I need to do when I need to do it, with an air of confidence. For example, when I was in my mid-20s, I moved to Southern California for a job and rented a place of my own. The people I met there told me I was brave to move to a place where I knew not a soul. But I didn’t feel that way — my other option was to be jobless and live at home with my mother. (I love you, Mom, but I’m a big girl now and want to live independently.)

People who have self-confidence seem to accept any challenge that they are posed with and are able to overcome those challenges with ease and success. At least that’s how it looks. That’s the point of my little story — you don’t have to think you’re confident to act confidently.

People invest millions of dollars each year in attending seminars and counseling sessions to discover the self-confidence that they lack. In this post, I will review the steps you need to take to gain self-confidence — without the added expense.

Step #1: Understand from Where Confidence Comes

Know that there really is no “secret” to attaining self-confidence. Self-confidence comes from within. While you may receive motivation from people around you, or things that occur in your life, self-confidence can only be found within yourself.

You can search all over the globe, talk to everyone that you know, attend every seminar, and spend thousands in therapy sessions, but you will not find self-confidence in any of those places (although they can help you move in the right direction). The only place that you can discover self-confidence is within yourself.

Step #2: Discover the Root Cause

After you realize and understand the first step, you can set sail on a wonderful journey of self-discovery. If you suffer from a lack of self-confidence or low self-confidence, you must discover the reasons for this.

I say “reasons” because there is usually more than one. Carefully evaluate your life and thoughts and try to figure out why you beat yourself up mentally. What triggered your internal decision to be less courageous?

Once you have figured out a reason or two, you will be able to approach the task of building your self-confidence.

Step #3: Stop That!

Once you have accepted step one and discovered the reasons in step two, the next step to self-confidence is the most difficult of all. Get over it!

That’s right, the third secret to self-confidence is to get over the reasons why you feel that you have low self-confidence or lack self-confidence altogether. Forget about what causes you to feel the way that you do! Get over it!

Step #4: Take Responsibility

The next step in gaining self-confidence is to move on and quit laying the blame on others and on things in your life. You must change your mode of thinking. You must come to terms with yourself. It is time to understand that you have one shot at life and if you allow yourself to mope in your negative self-talk; you may miss your one shot.

Take life by the, umm…, HORNS, and tell yourself that you can accept and face any sort of opposition that stares you in the face. Believe in yourself and the ability that you have to overcome the challenges that you are faced with.

And That’s How It’s Done

There you have it! The four-step process to self-confidence! Outlined and to the point. Once you are able to follow these steps, you will experience success and self-confidence, as you never have before.

Of course, it can be easier said than done, so here is a bonus:

The Secret to Acing These Steps

Fake your way to success. It’s all about posture. Act as if you are the way you want to be, and eventually, you will be. If you need help, you can always follow Anna’s advice from the musical, The King and I: “Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect. And whistle a happy tune, so no one will suspect I’m afraid.”

Editor’s Note: This content was updated in November 2022.

Want to boost your confidence?

It can be tough to keep your head up when everything seems to be going wrong. You might start to doubt yourself and your abilities. The Boost Your Confidence 7-Day Challenge can help. In just seven days you’ll learn simple, actionable steps that will help you boost your confidence.


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